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The Official Kaz Matsui Facts
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JPSchmack
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Joined: 14 May 2006
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PostPosted: Sun May 14, 2006 9:50 pm    Post subject: The Official Kaz Matsui Facts Reply with quote


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BennySammy
Posted: Apr 23, 2006 02:26 PM

Kaz Matsui taught Jesus how to walk on water

Kaz Matsui washes his clothes by running in circles around them

Kaz Matsui can train fire to walk on a leash

Kaz Matsui eats lighting and shts thunder

Kaz Matsui cannot impregnate a woman because his seed always shoots out of the small of their backs

Kaz Matsui has to slap five with God before every at bat

In the last episode of the show, Voltrons came together to form Kaz Matsui...he went on to battle the giant bunnies

Kaz Matsui trains in 10 times gravity during the offseason

Kaz Matsui once kicked a woman so hard in her cunt, a penis rolled out

Kaz Matsui's breath brings about the beginning of Spring in Japan


BennySammy
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:21 PM

Kaz Matsui uppercuts waterfalls with his spare time.

Kaz Matsui ejaculates fire ants.

Carl Everett doesn't believe in Kaz Matsui.

Kaz Matsui once hit a blind man so hard, he actually went blinder.

Godzilla's hometown has a Kaz Matsui alarm.

The real reason John Hinckley shot Reagan was to impress Kaz Matsui.

Kaz Matsui is made entirely of alabaster stone.

Kaz Matsui once beat an airplane in a race around the world. After he won the race, he raped the airplane.

Once, Kaz Matsui transcended into heaven. He came back shortly after that with a homerun he hit the night before.

Kaz Matsui is so fast, he can be his own battery mate.

Kaz Matsui can shag fly balls with his mind.

Kaz Matsui can eat a bowl of rocks.

The Transformers used Kaz Matsui when they ran out of energon cubes.


I know there's alot more...everyone that posted in the old thread should post in this one and lets see if we can save these somewhere


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:38 PM

while playing a game in japan, kaz matsui ranged to his right. he ended up in flushing. he has never ranged to his right again.


yoondawg
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:40 PM

When Kaz Matsui kicks you in the groin, your balls replace your eyes.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:41 PM

Kaz Matsui begins each season with the intention of homering in every single at bat. But after the first one, he usually sees the heartbreak in the eyes of the other team and relents.

hojosmets
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:42 PM

Kaz Matsui invented the mullet


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:43 PM

Kaz's Mullet absorbs boos.


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:44 PM

kaz matsui can bat left-handed, right-handed, and with no hands at all


BennySammy
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:44 PM

Kaz Matsui is actually of European descent. His face just looks like that because he runs so fast


(i'm sorry if that offended any asians in the audience)


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:44 PM

In 2001, Kaz Matsui asked the city of San Diego to build a ballpark with deep alleys and a high right center field wall, so that in a few years there might be the slimmest of possibilities he did not homer in his first at bat of 2006.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:45 PM

Kaz Matsui banned me.


yoondawg
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:46 PM

Kaz Matsui is JPSchmack!

JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:47 PM

That distinct flavor of movie popcorn? Not butter. Not butter flavored oil. The secretions of Kaz Matsui's mullet.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:48 PM

The dude with the SNY TV on his head? Kaz Matsui.

hojosmets
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:49 PM

Jack, yee , som
Microphone testing One, two, three
In the place to be
Wassup everybody my name is Kaz-U-O
And I am going to rapping for you today
Just a little freestyle
But first and for most I would like to thanking
Woadie style, the uncompare, for getting my belt back
And promotion my skills
And in return, I would teach them how to make 8 Million dollars,
Wow, and when you here you'll be like "Wow, I don't believe"
So simple, no skill involved at all, I could have thought that myself
But you say what, what the hell! I don't believe


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:50 PM

The residue from Kaz's mullet left on hotel pillows... disgusting?

No.

Colonel Sanders' secret spices.


JP_Schmack Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:51 PM



BennySammy
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:52 PM

Kaz Matsui understands JPs last post as he is the Matrix


yoondawg Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:53 PM

Jack, yee , som
Microphone testing One, two, three
In the place to be
Wassup everybody my name is Kaz-U-O
And I am going to rapping for you today
Just a little freestyle
But first and for most I would like to thanking
Woadie style, the uncompare, for getting my belt back
And promotion my skills
And in return, I would teach them how to make 8 Million dollars,
Wow, and when you here you'll be like "Wow, I don't believe"
So simple, no skill involved at all, I could have thought that myself
But you say what, what the hell! I don't believe

Ouch!

JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:55 PM

The sentence in Japanese was:

"You needed to translate these sentences to English in order to read them, but Kaz Matsui did not. Further proof of his superiority."


BennySammy
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:56 PM

Kaz Matsui can knockout a galloping horse


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:56 PM

Kaz was forced to hit the ball off the top of the wall because had he hit it 12 feet to the left, the ball would have hit his picture on the video monitor in PETCO, something the ball simply will not do.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:56 PM

Jose Pornstache – 0-for-first-19, Kaz returns to lineup, 1-for-his-next-1. Coincidence?


yoondawg
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 12:59 PM

Kaz Matsui uses Jose Pornstache's moustache to wipe his ass.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 01:00 PM
Kaz Matsui uses Jose Pornstache's moustache to wipe his ass.

then breathed life into the mustache and named him "Duaner."

He quickly became the best set up man in baseball and Pornstache was forced to grow even worse facial hair.

JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 01:02 PM

Isiah Thomas is clearing payroll for 2012, when he can sign Kaz Matsui for a triumphant return to New York.

“My name is Mike Sams. And I was dying of lung cancer. Then Kaz Matsui looked at me.”

Don Mattingly's career-ending back injury? Trying to touch his head to the ground, the appropriate level of bowing in the presence of Kaz Matsui.

In his first spring training in America, Kaz Matsui fell in love with a Japanese photographer. After erecting a fortress of solitude, and so he could marry his mortal human love, he stepped into a special chamber and transferred his super human baseball ability to David Wright.

hojosmets
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 01:06 PM

Kaz matsui will coach the Knicks as well


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 01:12 PM

Kaz matsui cannot be traded because no matter the offer, we would be on the wrong end of the deal


JP_Schmack Posted: Apr 24, 2006 01:13 PM

Kaz Matsui invented the DVR in 1994 -- a device that enables people to record Kaz Matsui home runs and watch them any time they want. Then Kaz realized that fans need not need this product, as they only had to wait for his next at bat, and quickly tossed away the plans.


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 01:13 PM

david wright often throws wide of first because he is so tempted to throw to kaz matsui


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 01:22 PM

kaz matsui eats trolls for breakfast


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 02:46 PM

Keifer Sutherland immediately signed on for three more seasons of 24 upon realizing that he faced being a free agent the off-season as a man who's life more closely mirrors Jack Bauer's: Kaz Matsui.

Kaz Matsui's mole is much like The Terminator's eye, capable of assessing situations and translating for Kaz.

Why hasn't there been a Godzilla movie since 1998? Kaz Matsui won before the opening credits.


JDNYLegend
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 03:17 PM

Kaz Matsui once ate every flavor of Big League Chew known to man. He's been sh*tting rainbows ever since.


Tormund
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 03:32 PM

Kaz Matsui mixes it with love and makes the hurt feel good.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 03:34 PM

Two-thirds of the earth is covered by water. The rest by Kaz Matsui.

Wilpon switched SNY to a All-New York Sports channel owned by the Mets when it became apparent that if he featured Kaz Matsui programming the other 21 hours of the day, fans would boycott the actual games for three hours until the KazCam returned.


charlie_obri...
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 03:41 PM

Asian men have small p*nises because Kaz Matsui got almost all of what was allocated to the entire race.

JDNYLegend
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 03:47 PM

I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. Kaz Matsui does have a nickname for his p3nis. Its called the Octagon, but he also nicknamed his balls - his left one is James Westfall and his right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater.

Kaz Matsui watched every episode of 24.....in 8 minutes.

Contrary to popular belief, Kaz Matsui's Mole is the 1st Wonder of The World.

When offended, Kaz Matsui eats roast duck with the mango salsa.

Kevin Arnold narrates Kaz Matsui's life.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 03:48 PM

Kaz Matsui turns boos into gold.

The Red Dog Beer logo is just a picture of Kaz Matsui in a batman hat orally pleasuring a woman, turned upside down


Allthewright...
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 04:41 PM

Kaz Matsui was the first Jedi

Contrary to popular belief, on the sixth day God said "Let there be Kaz Matsui"

Kaz Matsui turns coal into diamonds by clenching his ass cheeks.

Tormund
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 04:47 PM

The grue was eaten by Kaz Matsui.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 08:05 PM

Three Words, Fred:

Kaz Matsui Stadium.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 08:07 PM

When Kaz Matsui dies, you can hold his viewing in the Rotunda of Kaz Matsui Stadium.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 08:08 PM

Ha. Fooled you. Kaz Matsui cannot die!


JDNYLegend
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 08:52 PM

Leading experts agree that if you are ever in an extremely stressful situation ask yourself the simple question, "What would Kaz Matsui do?"

Then procede to grow a mole, a mullet and a penchant for striking out in key situations.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 09:52 PM

The meaning of the name "Khalil Green" in Ba’hai is "a Black Kaz Matsui."

Kaz Matsui is the inspiration for this t-shirt:

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dvswon
Posted: Apr 24, 2006 10:15 PM

Dr Phil is the child protagy of Kaz

Kaz Matsui is the Triad's godfather

When push came to shove Kaz said "And I will strike down upon thee with great vengance and furious anger those who attempt to poision and destroy my Matsui's. and you WILL KNOW MY NAME IS KAZ when i lay my vengance upon thee"

Kaz has more money than Oprah.

Kaz is villified more than W

Kaz is a Weapon of Mass Destruction. Dont believe me? google it.

Scientology was created by L Ron Hubbard. L Ron Hubbard was created by Kaz Matsui


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 12:32 PM

Why was Kris Benson traded? Anna couldn’t stop fucking Kaz.

Mariah Carey studied tape of Kaz Matsui to improve her range.


yoondawg
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 12:40 PM

That chick was sitting in the Padres dugout cause she was hoping to be noticed by Kaz Matsui.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 12:43 PM

"I'm not saying girls belong in the kitchen.... but Kaz Matsui has decreed it so."


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 12:47 PM

Kaz Matsui can fix Victor Zambrano in 10 minutes


yoondawg
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 12:50 PM

Kaz Matsui can fix Victor Zambrano in 10 minutes

Nah, not even Kaz Matsui can do THAT!


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 12:56 PM

Nah, not even Kaz Matsui can do THAT!

then it is evident that kaz matsui will be pitching every 5th day


SDscall
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 12:57 PM


Stephen Hawking once desired to write a biography of Kaz Matsui. When the task proved too daunting, he opted instead to write 'A Brief History of Time.'

yoondawg
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 01:02 PM

The M in M-Theory stands for Kaz matsui!


dvswon
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 01:26 PM

Kaz Matsui can stop all human suffering. He doesnt bc he just doesnt care.

Beltran isnt playing bc Kaz says so.


SDscall
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 01:26 PM

Vulcans didn't have pointy ears until one of them tried a mind meld with Kaz Matsui.

Kaz Matsui, once hit a drag bunt that broke through the surface of the earth and went all the way to the core. After realizing that one more occurrence of this would destroy the planet, he decided to force himself to pop up every future bunt attempt.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 01:35 PM

One the sixth day, Kaz Matsui created Julio Franco.


jjwill8204
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 01:36 PM

Jose Reyes has never had an IBB because the only time a manager thought about it all he had to do was look at the on deck circle and see Kaz Matsui swinging a bat.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 01:36 PM

For Kaz Matsui so loved mankind that he created... women’s breasts!

Last year, I won my death pool. I handed my list to Kaz Matsui and he responded “Granted.” (In Japanese). (Which I understood through the gloriousness of Kaz).

Edge03
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 02:19 PM

Barry Bonds didn't use a steroid cream. He used a cream created from an ounce of Matsui's sweat, 2 mullet hairs, and one eyelash.

Janet Jackson's wardrobe did not malfunction. It was the will of Kaz.


Blakjaks
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 02:20 PM

God rested on the 7th day so that he could watch Kaz Matsui's batting practice.

Kaz' range in the field isn't bad, its that the baseballs are afraid to go near him.

The Mets left Kaz Matsui in Florida last year on rehab so that he could protect the Floridians from the hurricanes.

Anderson Hernandez is intentionally performing poorly and has fabricated an injury so as not to anger Kaz Matsui.

Willie Randolph is a smarter manager because of Kaz Matsui.

The WMD were never found in Iraq because Kaz Matsui already ate them.

When Kaz Matsui runs, the earth's rotation changes.

The Mets true reason for the Zambrano trade was that Jesus sounds too much like Kaz.

Kaz Matsui destroyed Hideki Matsui's face for using his name.


JDNYLegend
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 02:41 PM

On opening day 2004, Kaz Matsui hit the farthest homerun known to man. The estimated distance is still in question due to the fact that the ball has yet to land.


JDNYLegend
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 02:43 PM

Believe it or not.....who am I kidding. Believe it: Kaz Matsui is your father


BennySammy
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 03:23 PM

Kaz Matsui is element 0 on the periodic table as he is the alpha and omega of everything rational and irrational


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 03:26 PM

Kaz Matsui sweats justice.


BennySammy
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 03:27 PM

Kaz Matsui's semen batted .350 in the minors


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 03:40 PM

One man insulted Kaz Matsui’s looks. Once. That mistake will not be made by Brian Peppers again.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 07:59 PM

In between innings, Steve Trachsel visualizes Kaz Matsui.


BennySammy
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:01 PM

Kaz Matsui urinated on the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, thus making it one of the seven wonders of the world


yoondawg
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:16 PM

Kaz Matsui is so strong, steroids would actually make him weaker!


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:18 PM

Kaz Matsui once microwaved a burrito so hot that even he could not hold it.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:19 PM

Homer Simpson selected "Max Power" as his power-name because "Kaz Matsui" is taken.

TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:19 PM

Barry is being investigated because he injected Kaz Matsui into his bloodstream

Kaz Matsui, not Princess Leia, IS the Yodel of Life

FoodTV is a direct ripoff of Kaz Matsui's pre-game meal....all of it.

The chloroform of Kaz brings greenness to our village


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:20 PM

What's your [CENSORED] name?

You take your middle name.
You take the street you were born on.
You take the name of your pet.

And none of that matters, because your dick is still puny compared to Kaz Matsui's


yoondawg
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:24 PM

When Kaz Matsui punches you in the face, you don't see stars, you see the whole universe.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:32 PM

Kaz Matsui's underwear IS a matter of National Security

Let Kaz Matsui get on (base) or the heavens fall!

Kaz Matsui is a good thing, and no good thing ever dies

I don't believe in Kaz Matsui. But I'm afraid of him.


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:33 PM

Bill Gates tried to option the rights to "Butch Kazuo and The Matsui Kid", but then realized he just doesn't have that kind of scratch


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:35 PM

Why did David Wright carry Cliff Floyd's bags last year?

Because Kaz's bags carry themselves.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:36 PM

Jack Bauer to Kaz Matsui: "Take your time. I'll wait."

<beep>


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:36 PM

If you cannot find the truth in Kaz Matsui,
where else do you expect to find it?


ddemps03
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:15 PM

Not only was Kaz Matsui the fifth Beatle but more importantly he was the Walrus.

Goo Goo Gaa Joob


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:22 PM

"Not only was Kaz Matsui the fifth Beatle but more importantly he was the Walrus. Goo Goo Gaa Joob"

kaz is the eggman
mets are the eggmen
kaz is the walrus
Goo goo gaa joob


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:24 PM

kaz is the eggman mets are the eggmen kaz is the walrus Goo goo gaa joob

When I find myself in times of trouble, Kaz Matsui comes to me. Speaking words of Kazuo, let it be.


ddemps03
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:30 PM

Yoko Ono is actually Kaz Matsui in drag.


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:40 PM

When I find myself in times of trouble, Kaz Matsui comes to me. Speaking words of Kazuo, let it be.

Yesterday, A-Hernandez seemed so far away
Now it looks as though kaz is here to stay
Oh, I believe in kaz today.


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:43 PM

Yesterday, A-Hernandez seemed so far away
Now it looks as though kaz is here to stay
Oh, I believe in kaz today.

Happiness is a warm Kazuo. Bang Bang.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:48 PM

Everybody's got something to hide except for Kaz and his monkey.


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:42 PM

Ultimate reality has a unified form. It’s name is Matsui.

Kaz Matsui is not what he seems; Nor is he otherwise.

Zambrano: Oh wise and all knowing one, show me the place of perfect peace.
Matsui: If I show it to you, it will no longer be peaceful


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:42 PM

Kaz Matsui was the original Dread Pirate Roberts. He's been retired for 25 years and lives like a king in Patagonia.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:46 PM

Aristotle is the first who saw that all causes of things are beginnings that we have scientific knowledge when we know the cause; that to know a thing's existence is to know the reason for its existence. And the cause of all things is Kaz Matsui.


yoondawg
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:48 PM

Kaz Matsui died and went to heaven, when God saw Kaz at heaven's gate, he said "Oh fuck! I messed up! You're not suppose to die!" and sent him back to earth. That was the only time God ever used the F word!



hojosmets
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:50 PM

Kaz Matsui has his named engraved on the Stanley Cup


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:51 PM

Occasionally, in an effort to speed up their bat, hitters will drill open the end of their bats and fill it with Kaz Matsui.


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:51 PM

Kaz Matsui once drew a walk.

Then he colored it in and it now hangs in The Louvre.

Then he drew a coke. When he erased it, we all went thirsty.

Kaz Matsui has a box of dehydrated water in his refrigerator (with props to Steven Wright)


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 08:51 PM

Kaz Matsui has his named engraved on the Stanley Cup

He gave the Cup to Lord Stanley because he doesn't care much for hockey.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:07 PM

One night, Willie Randolph got drunk, and when he awoke, he thought he remembered Kaz Matsui telling him to make Jose Pornstache his top pinch hitter off the bench.

Too embarassed to ask Kaz if he really said it, or if he just dreamt it, or if it was an absinthe hallucination, Willie just kept plugging the .095 hitter out there.


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:08 PM

Kaz asked me to <bump> this because if he did it, the thread would burst through our screens and kill us d-e-d dead.


JDNYLegend
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:12 PM

A man once doubted the existence of Kaz Matsui. He immediately burst into flames and this phenomena is now known as spontaneous combustion.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:19 PM

Kaz Matsui goes to 12.

The Big Bang is the theory that Kaz Matsui swung his bat and connected with a wad of gas, forming the known universe.

There is a large group of fans, cheering and changing the signs on the wall and counting "splash hits" on the side of Kaz's toilet.


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:23 PM

There is a large group of fans, cheering and changing the signs on the wall and counting "splash hits" on the side of Kaz's toilet.

And Kazuo calls it "Pornstache Cove"


NYMDiehard
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:24 PM

The Japanese word for "studly" is Kazuo.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:28 PM

Cliff Floyd's home run landed because Kaz Matsui got tired of watching it.


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:32 PM

Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like Kaz?


JDNYLegend
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:32 PM

On October 12, 1969 Kaz Matsui was terribly sick. That's when he took the biggest sh*t of his life. The result was Jose Pornstache.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:36 PM

On October 12, 1969 Kaz Matsui was terribly sick. That's when he took the biggest sh*t of his life. The result was Jose Pornstache.

lies.

Kaz Matsui's feces hit .314 in the Pacific Coast League last year.


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:40 PM

lies. Kaz Matsui's feces hit .314 in the Pacific Coast League last year.

Yes, and it would have hit .400 if not for many notorious "cans of corn"



NYMDiehard
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:37 PM

Kaz lauged when that ball almost fell not because he was amused at his own antics, but because he was thinking about how he would disembowel the wind gods.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:40 PM

Kaz Matsui drew Google Satellite Maps from memory.


FiveInchTaint
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:40 PM

Kaz Matsui has a 6 inch taint!


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:41 PM

The Aurora Borealis?

That's the effect of all the lights on earth trying to shine on Kaz Matsui.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:43 PM

Kaz Matsui won the Indy 500... while walking.


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:45 PM

Kaz Matsui won the Indy 500... while walking.<br><br>

backwards


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:47 PM

Kaz Matsui won the Indy 500... while walking.

backwards

on his hands.


senor_mike
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:45 PM

Kaz Matsui and his two nipples are often referred to as the Holy Trinity.


JDNYLegend
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:45 PM

Once and only once did Kaz Matsui eat Mexican food. The results were the disasters in Hirshima and Nagasaki.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:46 PM

Why did Kaz Matsui leave Japan? It's an island, even standing in the exact center, his p*nis was still getting wet.


senor_mike
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:47 PM

My girlfriend told me that she cheated on me with with Kaz Matsui. I totally High-Fived her.

hojosmets
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:49 PM

kaz matsui had a threesome with himself


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:50 PM

kaz matsui had a threesome with himself

and every woman on the planet climaxed at once.


ddemps03
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:52 PM

Kaz Matsui only strikes out when he deems the crowd too unworthy of seeing him hit the ball.


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:52 PM

I gazed into the abyss that is Kazuo.

Not only was I blinded by the light, I was also wrapped up like a deuce.

Kazuo was, predictably, unimpressed.


senor_mike
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:53 PM

Last year Kaz won the Japanese Triple Crown, while playing in America.


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:54 PM

he also won the kentuckey derby, preakness, and belmont stakes


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:54 PM

When the letters K-A-Z randomly floated to the top of my bowl of Alpha-bits, my spoon turned to gold.


NYMDiehard
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:57 PM

Even Warren Beatty admits that "You're So Vain" is actually about Kaz Matsui and his gigantic member, Gonadzilla.


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:57 PM

The gas of Kaz made tulips bloom, rivers run clear and convinced Saddam to give himself up.

It is influence unbridled.


ddemps03
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:57 PM

If a tree falls in the middle of a forest with no one around does it make a sound?

To Kaz it does for he hears all.


senor_mike
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 09:59 PM

The highest level of the US Terror Alert system might be Red, but it is called "Kaz".


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 10:01 PM

Kaz chopped off his left arm once. Just to watch it grow back. Once it did, he named his old left arm and sold it to the Yankees. Haven't you wondered why Hideki can't switch hit?


JDNYLegend
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 10:02 PM

Someone once asked Kaz the question, "If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?" That's when Kaz became the first human to kill another man with a wedgie.


TS41
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 10:03 PM

Honda once developed a prototype it called "The Matsui"

But they scraped it because it went too fast, was too agile and hit with authority.

Kaz agreed with the plan because He is his own SUV.


senor_mike
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 10:09 PM

Humans believe it God.

God believes in Kaz.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 10:14 PM

Kaz thinks, therefore I am.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 10:15 PM

Kaz knows where Hoffa is buried.

JDNYLegend
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 10:19 PM

A rabbi, a priest and Kaz Matsui walked into a bar. The patrons laughed at the sight. Kaz didn't understand the humor in this so he went on a 15 state killing spree.


senor_mike
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 10:22 PM

Kaz' mullet has its own gravitational force.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 10:22 PM


For centuries, theologians have wrestled with the duplicity of God. How can he be both Father and Son, God yet Man, Perfect yet human, A lefty-hitter and a Righty-hitter?

The answer is quite simple: Kaz is.


NYMDiehard
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 10:22 PM

When playing golf, Kaz politely refrains from using the sheer force of his will to refocus the gravitational pull of the planet exactly at the hole, unless, of course, he has money riding on the shot.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 25, 2006 10:23 PM

Ever modest, Kaz doesn't like to have too many pictures of himself. Which is why he allowed other, lesser men to appear on cash.


BennySammy
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 05:45 AM

Kaz Matsui's umbilical cord sustained his mothers life during the pregnancy


BennySammy
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 06:52 AM

When Kaz Matsui has a bat in his hand, he is considered a weapon of mass destruction...Colin Powell thought he had pictures of him, but his image cannot be captured on film


BennySammy
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 07:49 AM

Kaz Matsui once hit a homerun so far, it landed behind him


Edge03
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 07:50 AM
Kaz Matsui once hit a homerun so far, it landed behind him

And it only landed to bow out of respect to Kaz


dvswon
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 07:53 AM

Fred Wilpon begged Kaz to not change the name of the team to NY Matsui.

Kaz only relented after Fred promised to let Kaz have his was with Anna Benson...coinsidence?


brooklynjets43
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 08:01 AM

KAZ MATSUI IS OPTIMUS PRIME!!!


dvswon
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 09:12 AM

Kaz is the only person to have had every female on this planet.

We all have a lil Kaz running through us


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 09:14 AM

We all have a lil Kaz running through us

And we have no chance of throwing him out either.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 10:13 AM

Kaz Matsui has seen a million faces, and he's ROCKED them all!

dvswon
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 10:49 AM

Kaz Matsui has seen a million faces, and he's ROCKED them all!

on a steel horse he rides

NycLurker
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 10:49 AM

Kaz used to be in a bukkake gang in Japan when he was younger. Stalking the streets for female victim faces.

JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 02:04 PM

Rickey don't remember names. Rickey know two names. Rickey knows Rickey. And Rickey knows Kaz Matsui

TS41
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 04:52 PM

SOYLENT GREEN IS KAZUO!

Enjoy.


ciarlatano
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 06:52 PM

Soon, all hybrid cars will run on a non-polluting combination of electricity and Kaz's brainwaves.

Kaz raped Mike Tyson to teach him a lesson.

All women, when reading fortune cookies, add 'in bed.....with Kaz Matsui' to the end.


Tormund
Posted: Apr 26, 2006 08:27 PM

What won't Meatloaf do?

Kaz Matsui.

Why?

Because Meatloaf can't.


DaChampisHere
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 05:58 AM

Kaz Matsui was the inspiration for "I dream of Genie" {blink blink blink}


SDscall
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 06:08 AM

Kaz Matsui has only trick-or-treated once. And even then, he was wearing a Kaz Matsui costume.


NycLurker
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 06:49 AM

Kaz has a BIG BLACK ....


SDscall
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 06:57 AM

The only way to ensure you get a ripe cantaloupe is to pick it of the shelf, then ask Kaz Matsui to grant it the properties of deliciousness.


Blakjaks
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 06:58 AM

Kaz Matsui doesn't steal bases. The other team merely offers the base to him as tribute.


Tormund
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 07:00 AM

Kaz Matsui is the secret of Gummi Berry Juice.


dvswon
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 08:00 AM

Kaz Matsui is the one that makes snozberries taste like snozberries


Tormund
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 08:29 AM

The answer: 42
The question: Kaz Matsui


Blakjaks
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 12:25 PM

Kaz Matsui was upset that this thread fell to the second page, so he make me bump it.


NYMDiehard
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 12:28 PM

Kaz Matsui may lay a finger on anybody's Butterfinger, he simply chooses not to extend that honor to most people.


Blakjaks
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 12:35 PM

Jesus Christ has a picture on his wall of Kaz Matsui nailed to the Cross.

Radical Islamic Militants are upset that a likeness of Kaz Matsui was aired on Comedy Central last week.


NYMDiehard
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 12:39 PM

Kaz Matsui is undeniable evidence for Creationism. Kaz could not have evolved from anything.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 02:09 PM

Last night I poured water into my Kaz Matsui collector's cup.

and the water magically tasted delicious and got me drunk... yet kept me hydrated so I was not hung over!


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 02:10 PM

Kaz Matsui is undeniable evidence for Creationism. Kaz could not have evolved from anything.

unless he decides to.


BennySammy
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 02:21 PM

Kaz Matsui eats Chuck Norris facts for breakfast


CBeltranMets
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 02:24 PM

Kaz Matsui lost his virginity before his father.


mojo3113
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 02:24 PM

The greatest trick Kaz Matsui ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist

yoondawg
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 02:31 PM

Kaz Matsui has chunks of Chuck Norris in his stool.


PaulieNYC
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 02:32 PM

Kaz Matsui once saved an entire town, by teaching them how to dirty dance. Then, he slaughtered them all because he was bored one morning.


TS41
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 03:51 PM

Kaz Matsui is the Chuck Norris of everything Chuck Norris isn't the Kaz Matsui of.

Capisci?


TS41
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 03:54 PM

Kaz Matsui once ate my liver with some fava beans and a fine chianti.

For this, I am thankful.


dvswon
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 04:49 PM

Kaz was the 2nd gunman


BennySammy
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 04:50 PM

Kaz Matsui once hit a homerun that is still circling the earths atmosphere, and it was an inside the park homerun...yes, Matsui makes the unimaginable possible


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 07:17 PM

Kaz Matsui's dick has its own name. His dick actually inspired an entire genre of movies, which shares the same name: porn.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 07:18 PM

The word "Japan" translates to "Home of Kaz"


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 07:19 PM

The first automatic transmission was invented when Kaz Matsui first drove. Out of respect, his manual transmition began to shift itself.


scippo
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 07:26 PM

Not that I care for Matsui very much but....this is the dumbest thread E V E R!


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 07:32 PM

Kaz Matsui created scippo solely for the purpose of pitying him.


scippo
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 08:04 PM

Kaz Matsui created scippo solely for the purpose of pitying him.

LOL!


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 08:08 PM

MLB's drug testing fails to detect the presence of the performance enhancing substance of kaz matsui


dvswon
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 10:06 PM

Not that I care for Matsui very much but....this is the dumbest thread E V E R!

said Kaz's long lost jealous brother Hirogatu Matsui


NYMDiehard
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 10:49 PM

Not that I care for Matsui very much but....this is the dumbest thread E V E R!

Those who deny the power of Kaz Matsui are destined to spend eternity wallowing in the undeniable absence of his favor. Beware my friend, beware.


NYMDiehard
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 10:52 PM

Jesus wears a braclet that says "WWKMD?"


yoondawg
Posted: Apr 27, 2006 11:25 PM

Not that I care for Matsui very much but....this is the dumbest thread E V E R!

Does my eyes deceive me or did someone just diss the Kaz Matsui facts? Get a rope! Or should I say tooth floss, since that's all Kaz Matsui requires.


Audi_Driver4...
Posted: Apr 28, 2006 01:03 AM

Kaz Matsui, upset that he isn't performing up to his salary's standards, donates 90% of his salary to oriental children working in sweat shops.

Kaz Matsui = Piston Honda......blinking eyes and all

Kaz Matsui - Japan's idea of the bomb


NYMDiehard
Posted: Apr 28, 2006 01:31 AM

Kaz Matsui spoke to me in a dream and ordered me to create this wallpaper so that all his disciples may be known by their desktops.

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May the countenance of Kaz Matsui brighten every day of your life.


Tormund
Posted: Apr 28, 2006 06:38 AM

I've got a fever and the only prescription is Kaz Matsui.


dvswon
Posted: Apr 28, 2006 07:41 AM

To Kaz, or not to Kaz.

That is the question


Tormund
Posted: Apr 28, 2006 07:57 AM

The New York Times Online layout was made to look like TheOnion.com layout because Kaz Matsui willed it.


dvswon
Posted: Apr 28, 2006 08:55 AM

you know that lil bit of lint that you get in your belly button? Thats just the bits of Matsui returning to the maker.

Theres a lil Kaz in all of us.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 28, 2006 12:49 PM

Kaz Matsui has never hosted Saturday Night Live. Why? Too many people would die laughing.

Also, no one is qualified to write for him but Kaz Matsui and the writers don't want to miss a week's pay.


Delgado21_NYM
Posted: Apr 28, 2006 12:57 PM

Ice isn't cold water....it's water that is scared still by Kaz Matsui.


intothe643
Posted: Apr 28, 2006 06:33 PM

even with pinchrunners barrelling down second base refuses to let go of the great kaz matsuis foot


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 12:17 PM

The National Weather Service skips "Kaz" and "Matsui" while naming hurricanes because the last Hurricane Kaz killed the dinosaurs and re-arranged the continents.

Message was edited by: Kaz Matsui, who will not allow grammatical errors in his thread.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 12:20 PM

According to Mel Kiper, every player has "upside" but Kaz Matsui, who cannot improve beyond perfection.


jadato
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 12:58 PM

Kaz Matsui vs. Chuck Norris in...

-a foot race: Kaz
-turning two: Kaz
-bunting: Kaz
-starting the year with a HR: Kaz
-double roundhouse kick to the face followed by a death shot to the groin: Kaz, every time


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 12:59 PM

Why does Kaz Matsui let bad things happen to good people?
Because you touch yourself at night.


hojosmets
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 01:22 PM

kaz matsui rocked the casbah, but despite popular belief, shareef did like it


TS41
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 03:59 PM

Not that I care for Matsui very much but....this is the dumbest thread E V E R! <br><br>C'mon Now! You guys in grade school or something? Geez!

Dis him not my son, for the KazMat forgives......just before he kills with laser-like mind blasts of wanton thought.

The power of KazMat compels you to repent!


jjwill8204
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 04:05 PM

You were brought up to believe that the Hokey Pokey really was what it was all about. But in retrospect, Kaz Matsui is really whats its all about.


jjwill8204
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 04:10 PM

If i was a Kaz Matsui, and you were a lady
would take my hand, would you have my baby?


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 04:39 PM

Kaz Matsui permanently banned Nate.

The finest cigar I've ever smoked wasn't rolled tabacco, but Kaz's dried dead skin

Kaz Matsui is the secret ingredient in Herbal Essenses shampoo. Why else would women have orgasms while washing their hair?

The three guys guarding the Holy Grail get their eternal life from Kaz Matsui.


BennySammy
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 04:58 PM

Kaz Matsui's sperm have feet

Kaz Matsui once ran into a wall running down a fly ball and crumbled the whole stadium down to the earth

Because he runs so fast, Kaz Matsui's cleats have to be flame-retardant

Galactus finds worlds for Kaz Matsui to devour


Delgado21_NYM
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 07:28 PM

The original script for the movie Zoolander had Kaz Matsui playing the role of Derek Zoolander.... When filming the "Magnum" scene, the look that KAz gave exploded the hearts of all humans in attendance. Owen Wilson was the only survivor. That's why his nose is so f'ed up.


Miracle1969
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 07:38 PM

Kaz agrees, there should be no women in the dugout...only in his hotel room.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 07:45 PM

Kaz Matsui is the only being ever to see wind.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 07:46 PM

Kaz Matsui's defense can block the sun.

Right Guard Xtreme Power Stripe was broken by Kaz Matsui.

During away games, teams try to slip Anti-Freeze in Kaz Matsui's Gatorade to defrost his cool composer.

Doppler 5 Billion was made to calculate how fast Kaz Matsui is blowing by everyone.

Kaz Matsui has stolen so many hearts in NY, the need for organ doning is at an all time high.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 07:48 PM

Kaz Matsui is so big, he doesn't return Spielberg's calls.

Kaz Matsui has two sandwiches named after him at the Carnegie Deli.

Lance Armstrong's Livestrong bracelet is made of Kaz's toenail clippings.


Delgado21_NYM
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 07:54 PM

Kaz Matsui created adam and eve


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 07:57 PM

Jesus wears a braclet that says "WWKMD?"

What would Kaz Matsui do
If was here right now?
He'd hit .500 and still get booed
That's what Kaz Matsui'd do!

When Kaz Matsui was in Japan
Winning gloves of gold
He did .490 and drove in 200 while wearing a blindfold.

When Kaz Matsui was in the Alps
Fighting grizzly bears
He killed them all and saved the world
with his awesome bright-orange hair

So what would Kaz Matsui do
If were here today?
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two
That's what Kaz Matsui'd do!

When Kaz Matsui traveled through time
To the year 3010
He fought the evil robot Braves
And won the World Series again

And when Kaz Matsui built the pyramids,
he beat up Kubla Kahn
'Cause Kaz Matsui doesn't take [CENSORED] from anyone!

So we'll sweep Larry and Andruw
Cuz that's what Kaz Matsui'd do
And we'll make the Braves finish number two
Cuz that's what Kaz Matsui'd do.
So we'll go to Shea and not boo
That's what Kaz Matsui'd do.


Miracle1969
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 08:00 PM

Every time Kaz Matsui has sex, he leaves an awful mess behind. His latest [CENSORED] partner? Britney Spears.


Delgado21_NYM
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 08:04 PM

kaz matsui can finish everlasting gobstoppers.


Miracle1969
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 08:07 PM

Kaz Matsui's theory of life was stolen from him by Victor Frankenstein. Becuase he was so p1ssed off, Kaz created the monster who would only terrorize Frankenstein until his death.


Delgado21_NYM
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 08:20 PM

Kaz Matsui sh!t on the coats


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 08:37 PM

There is a category 25 storm brewing...

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UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: Apr 30, 2006 10:43 AM

Kaz Matsui's defense can stop traffic.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: Apr 30, 2006 12:13 PM

Jaromir Jagr isnt the best ranger in NY, Kaz Matsui is.

DFoster202004
Posted: Apr 30, 2006 01:15 PM

Kaz Matsui eats pressure and sh1ts productivity.


JP_Schmack
Posted: Apr 30, 2006 05:51 PM

Kaz Matsui was born with an undescended testicle. It dropped 69 days later.

To celebrate the anniversary of this momentus occasion, millions gather in Times Square each January 1st to watch a million-dollar replica of testicle descend.


MetsJets139
Posted: Apr 30, 2006 08:52 PM

Kaz Matsui can stop tectonic plates from smashing into one another, thereby single-handedly preventing earthquakes.

Kaz's ball sweat will now be sold at all participating Shea Stadium concession stands because it is just that cold and refreshing. It may become a nationally distributed product in time.


MetsJets139
Posted: Apr 30, 2006 08:57 PM

With the Fourth pick in the 2006 NFL draft, the New York Jets select...Kaz Matsui, Shortstop, New York Mets.

Strengths: mullet, ferocious defense, competitiveness, ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound, invisibility, blinding speed, x-ray vision, immortality

Weaknesses: none, because Kaz is a demi-god and is comparable to the mighty warrior Achilles.


arkmets
Posted: Apr 30, 2006 11:28 PM

All of the Jet Li movies are based on Kaz Matsui's life !!!

One time Jesus and Satan got into a fist fight and Kaz Matsui broke it up and made them shake and make up.........then he round housed the both of them just for the fun of it to impress all of the Met players !!!


arkmets
Posted: May 01, 2006 12:07 AM

Takeru Kobayashi the 4 time Nathan's hot dog eating champion is actually Kaz Matsui.....he changes his name because he dont want everyone to know all of his supernatural powers !!!


JP_Schmack
Posted: May 01, 2006 08:12 PM

Tsyoshi Shinjo has taken up nude modeling in Japan.

Why not Kaz Matsui?

His "Chein-Ming" will not fit completely within the picture.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 01, 2006 11:02 PM

Kaz Matsui doesnt bat with a Louisville Slugger. He uses his detachable p enis, and made a song about it.


Tormund
Posted: May 02, 2006 10:04 AM

In his spare time, Kaz Matsui goes by the name of Kazu Matsui and plays a bamboo flute. He is the one who drew all the snakes away from Ireland.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 02, 2006 11:28 AM

In his spare time, Kaz Matsui goes by the name of Kazu Matsui and plays a bamboo flute. He is the one who drew all the snakes away from Ireland.

And then he drove the illegals out of the US.


JP_Schmack
Posted: May 02, 2006 12:04 PM

Kaz Matsui played SS along side 2B MettGM2B at Clemson.

Kaz Matsui should always beinvolved in double-switches as he can be in multiple places at once.

Kaz Matsui took Dorthy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never called her again.


Tormund
Posted: May 02, 2006 12:23 PM

Kaz Matsui went skinny dippin in a lake in Scottland. Thus the myth of the Loch Ness Monster was born.


DFoster202004
Posted: May 02, 2006 12:35 PM

Kaz Matsui saved alot of money on car insurance by switching to geico


Tormund
Posted: May 02, 2006 12:38 PM

Kaz Matsui saved alot of money on car insurance by switching to geico

Geico saved a lot of money on car insurance by switching to Kaz Matsui, which created a paradoxial loop that caused the Big Bang and sent creationists into a frenzy.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 02, 2006 12:39 PM

The US Govt doesnt need to look far for "KMD's" Its everywhere.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 02, 2006 12:43 PM

Kaz Matsui slapped Judge Judy. Why? Because Kaz Matsui is the only one that rules.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 02, 2006 12:54 PM

Kaz Matsui thinks its racist only black people are in the iPod commercials.


JP_Schmack
Posted: May 02, 2006 01:45 PM

Omar is a racist. He thinks people from the Kaz Matsui Race are superior to other people. But they ARE, so we let it slide.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 02, 2006 02:05 PM

When Kaz Matsui puts on his wife-beater shirt, Larry hides.


jadato
Posted: May 02, 2006 02:44 PM

Back in 1776, we all know

one if by land;
two if by sea!

but the worst fear of all was
three if by Matsui because then it was hopeless


jadato
Posted: May 02, 2006 02:45 PM

It only takes Kaz Matsui one lick to get to the center of a Tootsie Role pop


DFoster202004
Posted: May 02, 2006 03:07 PM

Kaz Matsui decides when to make the donuts


JDNYLegend
Posted: May 02, 2006 03:13 PM

It wasn't Keith Hernandez or Roger McDowell who spit the magic loogey. It was none other than Kazuo Matsui.


JP_Schmack
Posted: May 02, 2006 08:43 PM

When Willie said "it's a lot of meat!" he was referring to Kaz Matsui


JP_Schmack
Posted: May 02, 2006 08:44 PM

Michelle Wie... obviously Kaz's daughter.


JP_Schmack
Posted: May 02, 2006 08:44 PM

Jenna Bush... obviously Kaz's daughter.


MetsJets139
Posted: May 03, 2006 08:49 AM

Shaq O'Neal...obviously Kaz's daughter



TS41
Posted: May 02, 2006 09:53 PM

Did you know that no two Kaz Matsui's are alike?

That's right.

They're like fingerprints....only better!


TS41
Posted: May 02, 2006 09:54 PM

Kaz Matsui - "The Freshmaker!"

Mentos - A sad ripoff of the freshness of himself.


JP_Schmack
Posted: May 02, 2006 09:55 PM

That feeling of horror when you're taking a dump and notice there's no paper? That's how opposing pitchers feel everytime Kaz Matsui steps into the batters box.

Guns don't kill people. Kaz Matsui kills people.


dvswon
Posted: May 03, 2006 09:35 AM

Bradgelina? no

Kazgelina

TomKat? no

KazKat


jadato
Posted: May 03, 2006 12:25 PM

Buying boxers the other day and the only sizes they had were Medium, Large, and Matsui


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 03, 2006 12:39 PM

Matsui is the new black.


JP_Schmack
Posted: May 03, 2006 04:30 PM

Matsui is the new black.

that was last season. Kaz Matsui is the new Kaz Matsui.


jadato
Posted: May 03, 2006 01:34 PM

This just in: Zacharias Moussoui sentenced to...5 minutes in a steel cage with Kaz Matsui. He's probably wishing he got the death penalty.


BennySammy
Posted: May 03, 2006 01:45 PM

if Moises Alou washed his hands in Kaz Matsui's urine before a game, he would be banned for using a performance enhacing drug


Edge03
Posted: May 03, 2006 01:57 PM

Illegal immigrants from mexico are not here to work. They are here to bask in the glory of Kaz as his coming to America has been foretold in ancient Aztec scriptures.

Albert Belle laughed at Kaz's abilities. Kaz broke his back and forced him to retire.

Delgado would not pledge alliegence to the United States because he only pledges to Kaz Matsui.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 03, 2006 02:25 PM

Kaz Matsui is my aeroplane, he's my aeroooplane!


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 03, 2006 02:27 PM

Kaz Matsui is the only man on Earth that can make the rainbow straight.


Tormund
Posted: May 03, 2006 02:28 PM

Kaz when I turn off the light.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 03, 2006 02:30 PM

Laguardia Airport doesnt have the fastest jet in the world, Shea does.



hojosmets
Posted: May 04, 2006 09:57 AM

kaz matsui will condemn those who allowed his thread to be bumped to the 13th page


2c2c2m
Posted: May 04, 2006 10:10 AM

Kaz Matsui's facial moles are portals to a parallel universe where he, of course, rules all.


2c2c2m
Posted: May 04, 2006 10:11 AM

The stench from Kaz Matsui's dumps is worshipped as an aromatherapeutic facial peel through the Far East.


MetsJets139
Posted: May 04, 2006 10:21 AM

Why do the Mets have a 25 man roster??? Kaz Matsui can do the job of all these players. He is the only being to be able to pitch and field simultaneously, because he's just that dam good.


JP_Schmack
Posted: May 04, 2006 11:17 AM

the new Superman movie is based on Kaz Matsui.

(as is Batman, Glove Man, The Flash, Mr. Amazing, Captain Planet, the Incredible Hulk and Wolverine)


KazMetsui
Posted: May 05, 2006 03:56 PM

Kaz Matsui can divide by zero.


peegs888
Posted: May 05, 2006 04:07 PM

The 10th level of Sceintology teaches of the first incident of Matsui!


BennySammy
Posted: May 05, 2006 04:16 PM

Only God can handle hearing Kaz Matsui's true voice


KazMetsui
Posted: May 05, 2006 04:25 PM

Planes step out of the batter's box when Kaz Matsui flies over Shea.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 05, 2006 04:32 PM

Kaz Matsui skins Braves. And then laughs at the irony.


KazMetsui
Posted: May 05, 2006 04:44 PM

"Matter" derives it's physical properties from Kaz Matsui since he can neither be created nor destroyed.


TS41
Posted: May 06, 2006 12:19 PM

And Kaz sayeth unto Timmy, "I am the be all and the end all, I am the Alpha and the Omega. Take this Gatorade and drink it, for it is my blood, take this double AND EAT IT!...for I have run you from the game."

Tormund
Posted: May 06, 2006 12:22 PM

The Force is just the wind of the all powerful Kaz Matsui. Feel the Kaz. Use the Matsui and all will be well.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 06, 2006 12:22 PM

Kaz Matsui only dates hot Playboy twins, because all good things for Kaz come in doubles!


DFoster202004
Posted: May 08, 2006 05:38 AM

Kaz Matsui's preferred [CENSORED] style is "Runners in Scoring position".

Kaz Matsui does not need range, for he is a black hole and ground balls gravitate to him.

Kaz Matsui was the first to dunk cookies in milk.

Kaz Matsui Trained the Keebler Elfs.

The Egg or the Chicken? -Neither, Kaz Matsui!

When Kaz Matsui is running late... He calls it daylight savings and sets the clocks back 1 hour.

When Kaz matsui needs a day off. He makes Febuary 29th.

Kaz Matsui dumped J-Lo, Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Anniston... At the same time.


BennySammy
Posted: May 08, 2006 12:49 PM

Kaz Matsui's growth was so accelerated, his feet hung out of his mothers [CENSORED] during the pregnancy....Kaz Matsui's mother's [CENSORED] went on to become the most prolific track star in Japan


JP_Schmack
Posted: May 09, 2006 06:33 PM

Kaz Matsui has already fornicated with every woman in Philadelphia. With no plans tonight, he would not mind playing extra innings.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 09, 2006 06:35 PM

Kaz Matsui smokes Phillies.


Tormund
Posted: May 09, 2006 07:04 PM

Kaz Matsui round house kicked Doug Eddings in the head so hard that Eddings' brain disintegrated leaving him unable to correctly call balls and strikes.


jadato
Posted: May 09, 2006 07:12 PM

Kaz Matsui is the solution to the Davinci Code

He is also the answer to every knock, knock joke in the history of mankind. "Knock, Knock." "Who is there?" "Kaz Matsui!" End of joke.


ddemps03
Posted: May 09, 2006 09:20 PM

Kaz is a mans man and real men dont swing pink baseball bats, not even on mothers day.


UNTITLEDPROJECT
Posted: May 09, 2006 09:40 PM

Kaz Matsui eats Philly bunts.


hojosmets
Posted: May 09, 2006 09:47 PM

Kaz is a mans man and real men dont swing pink baseball bats, not even on mothers day.

actually kaz will drop his pants and use his own wood in honor of the mothers



JP_Schmack
Posted: May 12, 2006 08:38 PM

The password at the Spy Bar in Milwaukee is "Kaz Matsui"


hojosmets
Posted: May 12, 2006 08:40 PM

after 2 years of threats, kaz kept his word and is now the only matsui in ny


JP_Schmack
Posted: May 12, 2006 08:42 PM

Only Kaz Matsui can walk Jeff Francouer


Last edited by JPSchmack on Mon Jun 12, 2006 10:19 pm; edited 4 times in total
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argh



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PostPosted: Sun May 14, 2006 11:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

about time this got stickied somewhere Laughing
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BennySammy
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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 10:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

damn, there were alot of facts! I also want to edit one of my facts


Kaz Matsui's growth was so accelerated, his feet hung out of his mothers [CENSORED] during the pregnancy....Kaz Matsui's mother's [CENSORED] went on to become the most prolific track star in Japan

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DVSwon
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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 1:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

greattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

so now JP can post to his hearts content.......here come the mile long threads Rolling Eyes

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mjmaher



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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 4:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You should all be greatful, because contrary to popular belief it was Kaz Matsui who invented the internet.
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tormund



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PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 7:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kaz Matsui shot C. Montgomery Burns and J. R. Ewing a the same time with the same bullet.
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m2c2c2
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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2006 12:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is a secret about Kaz Matsui's heritage, but if I tell you I'll be killed by the Knights Templar.
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LCN0931



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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 8:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kaz Matsui truly cannot believe I can't believe its not butter isn't butter.
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m2c2c2
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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 11:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If he wanted to, Kaz Matsui could fix Jose Lima in 9 minutes.
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peegs888



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PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2006 12:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Matsui has to drive into the city over the GWB because it is illegal to bring KazMat through the Lincoln Tunnel.

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untitledproject
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PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2006 1:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kaz Matsui will hit you out of house and home.

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LCN0931



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PostPosted: Sun May 21, 2006 7:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If Kaz Matsui married Scott K-azmir, his name would be Kaz K-azmir.
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IceySpoons



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PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

if you talk [CENSORED] about kaz, kaz will drag you into a dark alley, fight you, videotape it, and make your kids watch it every christmas for the rest of their lives.
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IceySpoons



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PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 8:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

kaz doesn't need more cowbell. the cowbell needs more KAZ.
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m2c2c2
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PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 3:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kaz Matsui braided Jose Lima's hair with his mind.
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FONZIE993



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PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 8:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kaz Matsui created Man Law
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m2c2c2
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PostPosted: Mon May 29, 2006 8:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

When he loses his starting job, Kaz Matsui's nutsack sears the entire bench until it glows like a griddle.

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metfansince76



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PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 2:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kaz Matsui IS the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Kaz Matsui taught Tiger Woods how to play golf.

The Green Lantern was given his power ring by Kaz Matsui.

Light travels at the speed of Kaz Matsui.

Kaz matsui could raise the Titanic if he wished.

Jack Bauer's mentor was not Christopher Henderson, but it was in fact, Kaz Matsui.

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yoondawg
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 2:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

metfansince76 wrote:
Kaz Matsui IS the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Kaz Matsui taught Tiger Woods how to play golf.

The Green Lantern was given his power ring by Kaz Matsui.

Light travels at the speed of Kaz Matsui.

Kaz matsui could raise the Titanic if he wished.

Jack Bauer's mentor was not Christopher Henderson, but it was in fact, Kaz Matsui.


Somebody needs to send this kid to The School of Kaz Matsui Facts before Kaz Matsui decides to castrate him using Alyssa Millano's retainer.

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metfansince76



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PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 11:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I apologize if I repeated anything in my post. I never read the Kaz Matsui Facts thread over on the ESPN board. As you can see, I have made the migration over here. Love the new board, and I'm looking forward to matching wits with you guys over here.

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